Thursday, August 27, 2009

Mommyhood Lessons

This is kind of a long post, so feel free to ignore it, but it sure was cathartic to write. I actually wrote it last night, but my internet went down and I was unable to post it then.

Hunter has been going through a difficult phase the last couple of weeks. Couple that with Fred working A LOT and studying for the LSAT several hours a day and you have one very exhausted mama (which would be me).

Hunter has been asserting his independence with unprecedented vigor. He has gone from a kiddo that is really good most of the time to a kiddo who is really difficult most of the time. I know this phase will pass and on the other side, I will have my wonderful, sweet child again. I’ve read many times that when children go through difficult phases it usually coincides with a developmental leap as well. Let me just say that after the last couple of weeks, Hunter better be a genius after all this. ; )

I still love the little guy to the ends of universe, don’t get me wrong – even with all the challenges right now, I wouldn’t trade being his mom for anything. I would however, trade a few of his behaviors for no great sum. Poor Grant has taken the brunt of it physically while I have taken the brunt of it emotionally and mentally. I’ve tried every solution that I and many others, can think of and none of them have helped much. There is always a temporary reprieve, but then the ‘tude comes roaring back with even more gusto. I think this is something that I am just going to have to endure, hold my ground, and eventually it will pass.

I’ve tried allowing him more freedom – yes, you can blow milk bubbles all over the table; no, you don’t have to be strapped in the grocery cart; yes, you can eat a pint of blueberries for dinner (and nothing else). But the ensuing chaos that is created from his new freedoms stresses me out and it does nothing to curb his bad behaviors, which leaves me, well, back to the beginning – exhausted!

And here is where I found myself tonight. Tired and ready to be done with the day hours before bedtime. Fred, working late, but probably not as late as last night (which was 3am, so earlier shouldn’t be too difficult). Grant went down to bed and there was still another hour before Hunter’s bedtime, which seemed like an eternity. I confessed to Hunter that I was so tired and wanted to sleep. He made his sad puppy eyes and said “I know mama, I know. Come sleep in my bed”. He then held my hand and led me into his bed, tucked me in and even gave me Mickey and blankie to cuddle. He then read books to me and told me he loved me. Then turned out the light and closed the door.

As I laid in his bed admiring the glow-in-the-dark stars we had made together, I was grateful that my sweet little guy had returned to me when I needed it most. I was grateful that he wasn’t upset with me for not allowing him to go to the park today or sending him to time out, or even (gasp!) yelling at him.. I was grateful that when he saw that I was in need, he took care of me the best that he knew how. Maybe my sweet little kiddo is still in there somewhere.

While he definitely can stand to learn about a thing or two about obedience and kindness, there is sure a lot that I can learn from him. Every morning I wake up still reeling from the drama the day before and bracing myself for what surely lies ahead. Hunter wakes up, happy that it’s a new day and excited for whatever it holds. I let my frustrations bubble and simmer inside of me, making it very difficult to forgive, forget and move on. Clearly, Hunter has no problem with this, his compassion came billowing out toward me this evening after I had been upset with him much of the day.

Hmmmmm, I guess I’m the one that could stand to learn a lesson or two (or ten!). Tomorrow’s a new day – here’s to making it better than today.

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